The Difference Between Expectations and Standards

Understanding the difference between expectations and standards is important.

Expectations rise from a hidden foundation of control, and are often subjectively motivated by a lens of past experience.

We often EXPECT positive or negative outcomes of people and situations based on a multitude of inner beliefs that have been molded and shaped by the external world.

Expectations are often very superficial half-truths because we may not see the deep roots of what feeds them.

Both “good” and “bad” expectations often set us up for disappointments, as there is a tunnel-vision attachment to an externally sourced outcome that we really have no control over, and that may or may not happen.

There is an emotional attachment to either side of the outcome, and it leaves us with the feeling that the external world is dictating our emotional experience.

Standards, on the other hand, are self-sourced agreements we make with ourselves about what we will and will not ENGAGE in, and are rooted in deeper individual VALUES and the understanding of what supports heart-aligned experiences for us.

They offer us personal guidance on the game of life WE are playing.

Standards are personal affirmations of what we are planting, nurturing, growing, and harvesting in our life experience.

They also offer us clear-sight on what may need to be weeded out of our garden of life.

They cultivate self-authority, and require rigorous self-honesty and acknowledgement of empowered choice.

They help dissolve blame of self and others, and support a more compassionately neutral lens that allows us to curiously observe if what we are CHOOSING to engage in is in alignment with our values and what we desire to experience.

If I know that I value peace, but am consistently engaging in situations that produce chaos and conflict, I have to look deeper at what I am choosing.

If I know that I want to grow a healthier sense of self-worth, I have to honestly look at where I am choosing to engage in relationships and situations where I don’t feel valued or am under-valuing myself.

These are honest assessments of what I am experiencing and WHY.

Of course, there are many things we cannot control, and we WILL experience challenges in our lives, but we also have many choices.

What we often view as “symptoms” are simply the result of choices.

Life is very precious, and often much shorter than we would like to think about.

Our time and energy are investments, and our CHOICES offer us scarcity or abundance.

Invest wisely, my love.